"Well let me give you a tour of the deep cavernous plains of my mind. In the west, you'll be expected to come across singing bonzai trees rejoicing in unison at their long expected acceptance into the EU. In the high hills in the East there are dancing celery sicks with and baby chicks with large colorful afros celebrating their peacefire after 900 years of bloodthirsty battle. In the deep south lay sleeping unicorns, but those are no ordinary unicorns, they're filled with CANDY and INTERNAL ORGANS. Often times you'll confuse the two, so it's okay to eat either. At the tip of the north is a tall tower. The tallest tower you've never seen -since it's all in my mind- in your entire life. In it rests a large, gold throne, studded with more gold laced with gold strings (yes, we went all out!). The throne itself is empty, and that's what goes on inside my mind; that's what the reason is that I am the way I am."
-my best friend Brandon
Gay man to boyfriend crossing street: Hurry up!
Boyfriend: I am running elegantly!
Passerby to friend: Look at that guy! He takes such long strides! He runs like a gazelle!
Girl #1: This whole Ben situation is really starting to piss me off.
Girl #2: I know! I just don't know what his deal is.
Girl #1: He called me like twelve times yesterday.
Girl #2 (stopping in the middle of Penn Station): He called you? (pauses for a moment) Oh, you mean Ben your boyfriend, don't you?
Girl #1: As opposed to?
Girl #2: Ben from Lost.
Girl #1: Don't talk to me for an hour, please.
Moral and religious education teacher, describing opening scene of Gridiron Gang: So the movie opens, right, and you hear all these guns going off, and everyone's gangbanging everywhere...
Students: (silence, then loud raucous laughter)
Teacher: Oh, Jesus Christ... I mean they're shooting loads at each other... Oh god, no...
Black student, casually: Wait, let me get this straight: he was going to participate, but he was late, so he decided to hate, and that's what started this debate?
Teacher, baffled: Did you just rap that at me?
Ten-year-old boy: You know what I would have if I could have four wishes?
Big sister: I don't know. What?
Ten-year-old boy: One: no drought in Georgia; Two: no global warming; Three: world peace; Four: a Komodo dragon that is really nice and fun to play with, is a vegetarian, lives forever and can grant eternal life.
Girl #1: Sometimes I judge you silently in my head.
Girl #2: Yeah, everyone does that. I think people should start saying what they're really thinking. We should all have running monologues about what's going through our heads.
Girl #1: Really?
Girl #2: Yeah. Like, this one time, me and my friend....
Girl #1: I think you're a bitch.
Dear Fred and George Weasley from the Harry Potter movies,
I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back...
I want to be on you.
Mom:So what are you going to wear the party tonight?
Me:I don't know. I asked Larissa and she said "Dress preeeeeety!"
Mom:You should! Those boys only see you as a little girl because you dress like one...with your converse and your hoodies...
Mom:You should wear my boots!
Me:I am NOT going to wear my mom's boots.
Mom:Well no one would know they were mine!
Me: Trust me. Yes they would.
Mom: I'll have you know I've seen PLENTY of girls your age wearing my boots!
Mom I just... -sigh- I just remember how good you looked in your sister's boots.
Me:That was Christmas Eve service. This is a superbowl party.
Mom:Right okay...you should just let those boys see you in something besides those...rock band tshirts.
Mom:I'll help you pick something out!
Guy preferances...I feel this needed to be documented
NECCESSITIES:no drugs, smoking, or drinking. has a majority of the same beliefs as me. is funny but not in an obnoxoius/asking for attention way (in other words NOT CHRISTIAN)super sweet (i.e. gets along with his mom, says cute things to me), gets good grades
NOT A VAMPIRE
Things that would be totally cool but aren't SUPER NEEDED: musician, writer, will take couple-y pictures with me, has eyes for me and only me, thinks i'm the prettiest funniest awesomest girl EVER, does not harbor a secret crush for Larissa, likes cuddling and hanging out at home, has good taste in music, will give me his jacket, will sing to me even when he sucks (actually especially if he sucks...it'll make me giggle.) someone i can sleep with but not, you know, SLEEP with, tells other girls to BACK OFF MKAYY.
I don't know, is that asking for too much?
I'M LOOKING AT THE QUESTIONS PEOPLE ARE SENDING IN FOR RPATTZ WHEN HE GOES ON ELLEN AND I AM CRYING OMGGGG
Where yo boyfrand at?
Is he in Utah getting you Mike and Ikes?
Posted by Darrell (pronounced da-RELL) | November 14, 2008 5:28 PM
Is your muffin buttered? Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin?
Posted by Jason | November 15, 2008 9:19 PM
Oh my god! I love your bracelet, where did you get it?
Posted by Regina George | November 15, 2008 9:01 PM
I'm sorry that you were touched at the local truck driver's bathroom stop.
Where did the bad man touch you? Why don't you take a seat? TennisBoy98 meet Slave4Mistresses.
Posted by C. Hanson | November 15, 2008 8:16 PM
Robert, Why should Caesar get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? What's so great about Caesar? Hm? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar. 'K, Brutus is just as smart as Caesar. People totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar. And when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what Rome is about. We should totally just stab Caesar!
Posted by Gretchen W | November 15, 2008 7:58 PM
How high does the Sycamore Grow?
Posted by Billy Black | November 15, 2008 8:01 PM
Do you love me? Are you playing your love games with me?
Posted by Old Gregg | November 14, 2008 8:10 PM
Hey, I just wanted to let you know that you can have whatever you like.
Posted by T.I. | November 14, 2008 7:24 PM
Is it me you're looking for?
Posted by Lionel Richie | November 14, 2008 7:06 PM
Scattered shadows on a wall, you watch the long light fall
Some impressions stay and some will fade
Tattered shoes outside your door, clothes all on the floor
Your life feels like the morning after all year long.
Every day it starts again
You cannot say if you're happy
You keep trying to be
Try harder, maybe this is not your year.
Movies, TV screens reflect just what you expected
There's a world of shiny people somewhere else
Out there following their bliss
living easy, getting kissed
while you wonder what else you're doing wrong
Breathe through it, write a list of desires
Make a toast, make a wish, slash some tires
Paint a heart repeating, beating "don't give up, don't give up, don't give up."
omg The Weepies you are KILLING me
"i fell in love with you because of a million tiny things you never even knew you were doing. and you walk in, and you're beautiful. and you smile and look away, and everything is a little bit nicer than it was before. i'd like to curve my tired legs around your skinny waist, tuck my head into your neck, wrap my arms around you and fall asleep. You could carry me to bed and laugh and tell me a story; something soft and slow and when my eyes finally closed, maybe you'd have fallen in love with this girl who makes too much noise and is sometimes mean, but in the end is just small and quiet and loves you."
So I've decided I'm going to write a book. About my life, I guess. And not in a "Oh you are so fabulous and we are curious about your life" kind of way but an a "I'M GONNA HELP YA'LL BITCHES OUT WIT DIS BOOK" kind of way. Of course I still have some growing up to do so I'm going to wait till I'm older. But I at least should start taking notes now.
I took this quiz called "What time of day are you?"
"You are midnight.
You are darkness and moonlight and a sky full of stars. You're nocturnal, but not in a lonely way. You are the moment when an unbelievably good rock show goes into its third encore. Just when everyone starts to wonder if it's finally over, the band runs back on stage and starts another song. You are the time of night when everybody knows it's getting late, but nobody wants to go home. You are the smoke machines, still going strong, and the stage lights that make that smoke glow blue and red. You are the warm mass of people singing along in unison, the sweaty rockers, the guitar solo, and that split second when you could swear the lead singer looked in your direction."